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13 December 2009 @ 02:29 pm
Had forgotten this community, and I'm seemingly not the only one, and thought that I could post something to it (and say that the background should probably be changed... it doesn't work anymore, lmao)

She wears a different perfume
significant change
I'm beginning to question
the reality of all of this
the ceiling and the walls are closing in
question reality but do not doubt
lines of lies and fake are blurry
kiss me and remember
did I even mean anything?

Mirror images
I'm still the same
whore it screams
and I'm cowering
staring at a piece of glass
where did I loose myself
along this way

And she's a whole different she
nothing will change her into me
nothing will erase the truth

I'm not the same
Tags:
 
 
Current Mood: nostalgicnostalgic
 
 
08 July 2009 @ 03:48 pm
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banner done bylessertravelled 


I do think, you know.

I think about the things that eventually make people sad. I think about those who are alone, about those who are messed up real bad. I think about those whose hearts are broken, whose life is so terrible that no words could ever comfort them. I think about losing people to death, to mistakes and about their lives before it all. I think about all of these and it gets me sad.

It gets me sad because I can’t help but wonder about those who don’t make it out alive and for those that do, I’m not sure whether to pity them or to award them because it baffles me how one can live and breathe despite having lost the biggest impact of their life. It intrigues me that after months, after years, memories are lost and stained and everyone changes and no one remembers the lessons anymore.

I wonder then about the children that I see. I wonder about the kind of person they’ll grow up to be and I’ll wonder just how much of influence their loves once would have been. I’ll end up thinking that one day, some of these children are going to end up being doctors and lawyers and politicians and actresses and singers and just how nothing will be ever be enough for them.

I think about the children who’ll end up in jail, who’ll end up being looked down, outcasted even and how only  some will count their choices to be a blessing while the rest a curse. I wonder about those who live for others. Whose sole purpose would be to please the people that they love. I wonder if they’ll get up one morning and realise that they’ve never really lived. I wonder how they’d feel and about the changes that will inevitably come. I wonder if they’d remain to their sole purpose or if they’d crudely ignore the world. I wonder if they’d be remembered for all their sacrifices, for all the kind words and for all the instances where only they stood by; I pray to God that they are remembered.

And finally I’ll ask someone desperately to tell me the rules of fate because I cannot understand any of this. I’ll beg them to tell me that fate is in our hands and not someone else’s. I’ll plead with them to help me see that this world isn’t so bad, that being alive is not the worst thing yet.

I’ll eventually stop thinking because I would have started crying and depression by then would have been a resident. I’ll lose my hope and faith and I’ll be upset and cold and I’ll blame someone and I’ll string some words together because they’d make sense but I won’t be okay.

I’ll close my eyes and I’ll listen to a song and I’ll talk to someone but everything changes and my mind is spinning and running away from fear. I’ll grasp the concept of life and I’ll just sit there. Wrist slashed and a prayer to my lips, I’ll ask to be forgiven even though no one will understand, even though no one will try.


 
 
06 July 2009 @ 08:44 pm
You've got this life and it's amazing, really. You've got this life where you're able to breathe, to feel, to touch, to taste and it is wonderful because just imagine that God didn't send you as a gift. Imagine if he kept you for another person, for another family, for another moment. Imagine if he held you for the years to come, imagine if he let you come before me.

You see, I’ve dreamt of my life without you, without all of you and each time the dreams turns out differently, sometimes I’m content, sometimes I’m sad but wherever I am that you are not, that you are all missing, I am empty and you know something? All the feeling and all the money in the world would never get me to trade a single moment that I have with you’ll, my family, my friends, for another.

but know something in your heart, okay, know that no matter the trials that you will be put through, the trials that you are in right now, do not ever give up. Discarded the words that will hurt you, discarded the idea that life should be over for you. Discarded the idea that you are incapable because you are not and you will never be.

Now, close your eyes and think of someone special. Think of that one person who means the world to you, the one person that you'd die for, the one person that you'll cross the 7 seas to see. Now think of that one person each time you're in trouble, each time you're in doubt and just remember that everything happens for a reason. That whatever happened in the past got you here so that you could be strong for yourself, for the people around you. That everything happens to shape you, to define you and at the end of the day, remember how much you've grown from the person you once were to the person you are now.

And then smile because you will survive.
You really will.
 
 
18 June 2009 @ 01:08 pm

I reckognized that I'm also in this communitiy but never posted anything. Strange me o_____o
Never met someone forgetful as me, huh?

So, it is my first english short story. Normally I'm writing in german xD
The title ist "The Happy Ending" (:

Ah, before I forget again: It's set on the Titanic. It's the evening of the 14th april, 1912.

--

 

It was Thomas Benfords sixty-fifth birthday, when they were sitting in this saloon, surrounded by several people – men and women he’d never seen for the most part. They were chatting about unimportant or uninteresting things like fashion, technology… Or what ever. He didn’t care.

Instead Thomas thought of the life he had had until now. He was born in 1847 as an absolutely normal boy. Relatively early he inherited a lot of money and his peerage. So Thomas became an English lord, soon marrying a lovely woman and getting two daughters. And it wasn’t what he wanted to have. Of course he loved his wife – he always did – and it wasn’t different with his daughters. But there wasn’t anything in life by now that really made him happy. To say with the words of the younger ones: The Lord was fed up with life. It wouldn’t bother him to die.

So why was he living? Because of his family. As much as he loved them – as well he knew them. They wouldn’t have a bad time without him. They would mourn him, but they would also have enough money to live on it – if they weren’t that lavish. They needed Thomas and he knew that. So he remained in life, hoping for a natural and soon end.

"Thomas, my dear, is everything all right?"

It was Mary, his wife.

"Yes, everything’s all right," he muttered, adumbrating a smile. She sat next to him together with Sue and Janice. It had been their idea to make this journey. On the one hand it was his birthday present, on the other hand it was for their enjoyment. They just killed two birds with one stone. It didn’t bother him either. They were all sometimes a little bit selfish. As long as it had no bad implications, it was okay.

Abruptly the old man got up.

"I’m just going to take some air," he said and left the saloon. The way outside wasn’t that far and soon he breathed fresh, cold air. He wandered over deck and watched the bright stars. The night was cold and clear. Actually it was a beautiful night – that’s what Mary would say. But even if it felt good to stay here, it was nothing that really impressed him. Such an awful situation…

Screech.

Thomas winced when he heard this horrible noise. Suddenly there was silence again, dead silence. Then some people came out as he did before to look after the reason for this noise. He followed them, curious and terrified at the same time. What had happened?

They went starboard. There weren’t so many people by now, but the number was growing. They stood and wondered. He thought he was one of the first who saw the strange appearance of the water just beneath them. Like water that poured in somewhere. His eyes got locked from this view, the time froze.

There was a leak. A big one. Someone screamed. No one panicked by now, but Thomas saw the frightened faces then. There was fear.

It was just him that sighed in relief. His family – he didn’t know what was going to happen. But he wouldn’t leave them on his own.

Yes, it wasn’t his decision. It wasn’t even natural – not in the way he meant it. But it was soon. It was now.


 
 
Current Mood: curiouscurious
 
 
26 April 2009 @ 12:46 pm
Rhyming isn't my style, but I was thinking of making a picture book with a poem to complement it:

THE SEA SONG

I was traveling at sea,
looking for a piece of me.
An angel came from under
a shining cloud of thunder.
She took my hand and waved hello,
frightened me to death, because she was mellow.
She pointed to west, so long through her hand,
begged me to follow, told me to stand.
I refused, of course, for we were at sea
I said I was looking for a piece of me.
She laughed whole-heartily and pointed again
to north this time, to a rock-coral den.
I rowed the boat as fast as I could
because she was an angel and maybe I would
find what I needed so terribly,
find someone who would kiss me caringly.
We stopped at the den and peered inside,
she lit the whole place, her halo shining wide.
My breath hitched as she looked at me,
so beautiful an angel, as fresh as the sea.
She smiled contently and told me to stay
just for a little while with her and say
that I would carry on forever, talking like this
about how I want her to spare me a kiss.
She held my hand as tight as she could
and led me farther so maybe I would,
find the piece of me
with her, across the sea.
 
 
Current Mood: curiouscurious
 
 
 
24 April 2009 @ 11:11 pm

Title: Sing for me
Length: One Shot
Rating: PG

N/A: Yes another One shot... i'll be posting the long ones when i'll feel like it. I know not so cool!



She was looking at her reflexion in the mirror with disbelief; she never thought that would come true someday. Six minutes until she’ll hit the stage, her heart was beating so hard that she could hear it. She took a deep breath and stood up as the makeup artist finished her artistic touches. She started warming her voice trying to get the tension out of it. It was her first performance and the most important one. All the celebrities of the country were there. The American lady was determinating to do her best, she wanted to prove, all those who were against having international singers in SM entertainment, wrong. She was determinating to be the best, and to blow their minds. She needed to be the best, her hopes were high, she wanted to seduce him, and she wanted him to fall for her. At least he had to notice her after that performance.

“Sunar, One minute”

(Sing for me)
 
 
Current Music: Beautiful lie by 30 seconds to mars
 
 
 
21 April 2009 @ 06:43 pm

I'm writing a novel.
Trying, actually.
It's a tough job and I don't think I have a plot, really.

Breeze
Chapter One "Mother"


It was a fine Saturday morning when Kate Gräpé finally decided to get off the couch and walk the family cat. The animal was white in color and had crystalline blue eyes like the sea that the Gräpés have lived on until this very day. It was a fat cat with small paws and retracting claws which were sharpened through scratches on the wooden legs of Kate’s bed. She slept next to the bedroom drawer, right underneath the proximity of a nearby window which provided beautiful summer warmth on mornings since the room was on the second floor of the Gräpé house .



It's GRAH-PAYCollapse )

 

 
 
20 April 2009 @ 09:37 pm

Wrote this as a 15 year old, but decided to edit it recently. Hope you like it!s

(Warning: deals with suicide and angst)

Amber Had A Brother Named James



“Can you dream of a place you’ve never visited?” That was what he asked me that morning, the day he died. He barely looked at me through his thick glasses, just headed straight for the coffee pot with cold coffee.

 

“I dunno,” I stared at his back as he reached for his pink cup in the sink and poured coffee into it, “why’d you ask?” He drummed his fingers against the surface of the working bench, looking at the wooden cupboards.

 

“I had a dream,”

only on the inside you find the truthCollapse )

 
 
Current Mood: boredbored
 
 
20 April 2009 @ 07:17 pm

Title: Heart-shaped box
Length: One Shot/Short story
Rating: PG
Genre: Rmance, Drama

N/A: This is my first time posting some of my writing here. I still need to fix some problems i still have here in LJ, well i'm a blogger girl!
Eitherway i hope you'll like this One Shot, maybe i'll start posting my other chaptered stories later on.

 

It was 2 am. The streets were empty. New York was her home and that moment of the night was all hers. She walked thoughtfully as she was enjoying the nice cold breeze brushing against her skin. She was wandering through her thoughts, thinking about her life. She has never been happier, everything she worked for got to its good results. But she tended to mess with it; her pride was playing that role again. Why I gave up on the one I liked so much, she thought.

(Heart-shaped box)